Jakosta
by Aisling-Siobhan
Summary: DM/HP;LP/HP After James died Lily had Harry to love The older Harry got the more he reminded her of James Harry knew what Lily does is wrong but he loved her & loving someone means having sex with them according to Lily. But he loved Draco without sex.


Wow, I really am sick, aren't I

Wow, I really am sick, aren't I?

Give it a chance, ok; it's not really that bad. But then again, I'm hard to phase. Let me know what you think. I had to add some Draco/Harry cause I actually, contrary to popular belief, cannot be that evil. So this is mostly a D/H story, with a lot of Lily abuse. Draco is like Harry's knight in shining armour. Or maybe I should just list this as Lily/Harry and ignore Draco?

"Jakosta"

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own any of this, except for the really disturbing plot line, because JK would never do something like I would. She has morals, probably.

**Title: **Jakosta; (mythology) the mother of Oedipus. Oedipus, not knowing his parents, killed his father and married his mother. An Oedipus complex is used to describe someone who is in love, or in a sexual relationship, with his or her mother. A Jakosta complex is the opposite (the mother initiating the contact).

**Summary: ** DM/HP; LP/HP After James was killed Lily only had Harry to love. The older Harry got the more he reminded Lily of James. Harry knew what Lily was doing was wrong. He still did it because he loved her, and loving someone means having sex with them, according to Lily. But he loved Draco and they haven't had sex yet?

**Warnings: **Slash. DM/HP. Abuse, Lily/Harry. AU. Underage. Dubious-consent. Mild Ron/Lavender. Character Death. Violence. Language. Brief Harry POV. Spoilers. Mild M-preg.

**Rating: ** R/NC-17 SLASH!! HET abuse.

**A/N: **Actually, this idea came to me when I was watching CSI: Las Vegas; the episode where the psychiatric nurse kills a patient who is having sex with her son (also a patient), that she likes to have sex with. Strange, I know, but that's the way my mind works.

_XXX_

**Words: **7,789

**Chapter 1**

**Jakosta**

Harry POV

July 19th 1999.

It's a well-known cliché to answer, "I don't know where to begin" with "the start", but I suppose it will have to do. If I have to admit all of this, I am going to have to start at the beginning. It all started in 1980 for me, but I suppose we'll have to go back further or it won't really make sense. My parents met in school. They were magical, and they attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry together for seven years. It took six years for my dad to get my mother to even like her.

Calling her mother is a new experience for me, so, sometimes if I slip and say "Lily", please don't be confused or angry. My mother is called Lily. That is her name, and usually I just call her by her name. And she calls me James.

That's my fathers name by the way. James Potter married Lily Evans and they had me in 1980. My name is Harry, but hardly anybody calls me that. At the time I was born, a Wizard was gathering followers and going on raids and rampages killing the non-magical Muggles and Wizards alike. My parents were a part of an organization that fought against the Dark Lord Voldemort and his Death Eater followers. They were brave, and loyal, and Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were their best friends. Peter Pettigrew was sometimes around as well, but he would disappear on occasion. I now know, that when he was gone, he was at a Death Eater meeting.

My father was brave and loyal, yes, but he had enemies. Severus Snape hated him; Voldemort feared him (well, me really) and Peter resented him. In the end, my father died to protect me. It took years for my mother to tell me what happened, but when she did, when she finally told me, that was when all my problems really started. Of course, I didn't know it was a problem then.

_XXX_

Third Person

October 31st 1981.

It was dark, but silent. Sometimes the silence could be considered a bad omen, but not tonight. James was sure the silence was a good sign. The longer Godric's Hollow was free of sound, the safer his family was. If Voldemort had found them, surely someone would have been screaming or crying, there would be Death Eaters fighting and killing, and all the noise would give him time to escape with his wife and son.

He loved them both, of course he did. His Lily was beautiful; red haired and green eyes, the same eyes that her son had. Her skin was pale, with light freckles across her nose. Tall and petit his Lily was a vision. James watched her bounce Harry on her lap and he smiled softly. Harry had his hair; there was no doubt about it. It stuck up all over the place, black and messy and definitely a hereditary Potter trait. Lily ran her fingers through it, trying to tame it, but Harry only laughed and shook his head. Fifteen-months-old, and their Harry was already running circles around them. He giggled and his parents cooed, he cried and Lily and James would do what ever it took to make him smile again.

James frowned slightly, raising his head and turning to face the front door. Just as he was about to speak, the door blasted inwards. The light of the full moon silhouetted a man in the doorway. His wand outstretched and his face bathed in darkness, but James knew who he was regardless.

"He's here. Lily, take Harry and run!" James cried, pulling his wand out of his pocket and flourishing it in Voldemort's direction.

"Pathetic." The Dark Lord hissed out, entering the Potters' home. "You think you can defeat me?"

"Stupefy!" James called, backing away from the Wizard. Voldemort merely laughed and reflected the curse back. James collapsed, unconscious to the ground.

Upstairs, Lily heard the thump and tried not to scream. She clung to Harry, holding him tightly against her, desperately. Her eyes flew from one corner of Harry's nursery to the other, trying to think of a way to escape safely. The door flew open and Lily stifled a gasp as Voldemort's red eyes locked on hers.

"Leave girl, get out of the way."

"Not Harry, please not Harry." She begged. She knew it was pointless, but she had to try. Voldemort had come for Harry because of the prophecy and Lily knew the Dark Lord would not be leaving until he had killed the one with the power to vanquish him. "Please let him go."

"Move aside, you silly girl." Voldemort ordered waving his wand in front of him.

"Please not Harry."

"You try my patience." He had tried, he had promised Severus he would try. But that was all he could do. "Avada Kedavra!" He cried finally when she still refused to move.

Downstairs, moments before, James slowly came back to consciousness. He searched the room, he was still lying down and his eyes were wide. He didn't see Voldemort, nor Lily, so he stood and silently made his way upstairs. He listened to Voldemort order Lily to stand aside. As if his precious Lily would ever allow their child to be murdered in front of her. As the Killing Curse was uttered, James sprung into action. He ran past Voldemort, shouldered Lily to the side, and took the curse for Harry.

He lay, slumped on the floor, and Lily looked upon him stunned. He didn't move, even as she shook him and prodded him. Lily didn't react when Voldemort aimed his wand at Harry and muttered, "Avada Kedavra," once more. She shielded her eyes as a blinding green light lit up the whole room, and when the light had faded and that horrid scream had stopped ringing in her ears, she blinked and her eyes fell on Harry. Her lovely, precious Harry was still alive. Voldemort was gone. Lily looked around again before she started to cry. Their house was on fire, James was dead, Harry had a lightening bolt-shaped cut on his forehead, and Voldemort was defeated.

But her James was dead.

She pulled Harry to her chest and rocked the child. She was still crying when Sirius arrived, followed by Albus Dumbledore. It seemed Peter had betrayed their secret and now James was dead.

"My dear," Albus placed his hand on her shoulder. Sirius pulled Harry away and into his own arms. "It'll be ok, you'll see." Lily just sobbed harder. She buried her face in her hands and her shoulders shook. Sirius wiped the blood off of Harry's forehead, and smiled down at his godson. "Time will heal your wounds, but we will all miss James."

Lily would miss James most of all.

_XXX_

July 31st 1988.

Harry was eight today. Lily watched him with a small smile on her face. Lately, whenever she looked at him she had to blink and look again. Once, when she was looking at him she could have sworn his eyes had turned hazel. It was like she was staring at her James again. She had reached out to stroke his cheek, but Harry had ducked out of the way with a "muuuuum", and an embarrassed blush as his friends looked on.

She watched him now. Actually she watched him a lot. Lily watched him play with the younger Weasley children, and with Sirius and Remus, she watched him as he slept and when he studied with his tutor, and she watched him as he got out of the bath. Lily knew she shouldn't, but sometimes she just couldn't help herself.

Like now. She was unable to stop herself from following Harry out of the room. "James!" Ron cried as he noticed Harry leaving. "Where are you going?"

"Need to pee, Ron." Harry said with a laugh. Lily frowned at the red headed boy, and then turned to smile at her son. Harry was old enough to not need supervision going to the toilet or having a bath, but Lily wanted to be safe rather than sorry. She didn't want to admit to herself that she rather liked watching Harry unclothed. The older he got, the more he looked like her James.

"Hurry back, James!" Ron called again.

After James' death, Lily had changed Harry's name. His birth certificate now read James Harry Potter, instead of what it had once said. Remus and Sirius both protested, and Lily met their argument by banning them from her home and from Harry's life until they apologized. Despite the fact that they still called him Harry when they were alone with him, they had apologized if only so they didn't miss out on any of his life. Harry was used to being called James now. It was strange though, how no one called him James Jr. It was as if Lily believed him to actually be **James**, and not her son, but Harry thought that was a silly thought.

Lily stood in the doorway for a second, before fully entering the room and closing the door behind her. Harry just smiled at her, unzipped his trousers and took a pee. It was normal for him. He didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Surely everybody's mother watched him or her urinate? Lily had always been overprotective. He didn't know what happened to his dad but it must have been bad, and so Harry didn't complain. Not even when she reached out to stroke his chest those times when she watched him bathe. It wasn't like she ever touched him in a naughty place.

Lily's eyes were fixed on his penis. The boy was eight, but she couldn't take her eyes off of that part of his anatomy. "James," she said softly, her fingers clenched at her side so she wouldn't try and touch him, "hurry back to your party. Lily needs to use the bathroom now."

Harry nodded, kissed her cheek, and left. Lily generally referred to herself by her name. She was more comfortable when Harry addressed her as Lily instead of mother, and so she tried to encourage that.

It was actually later that night, after listening in on one of Bill and Charlie's whispered conversations about You-Know-Who and his father that Harry finally asked his mother how James died. She had cried. Harry had reached out to comfort her, and Lily had immediately latched onto him. She had told him what he wanted to know, and then she had run her fingers over his clothed chest before leaning forward and pressing her lips to his.

Harry was eight; he knew people weren't supposed to stick their tongues in your mouth. But this was his mum, the person who had taken care of him for eight years. So whatever she was doing must be in his best interest, right? He had just relaxed. He didn't know what to do, but he wasn't going to fight it and upset her anymore than she already was. He'd question her when she was calmer.

Lily had Harry pinned to the bed moments later, and her hands had strayed under his shirt. She tweaked one nipple and Harry gave a gasp of pain. He wasn't an adult who wanted to be pleasured, and he didn't understand why his mother was petting and pinching him. He shrieked in surprise as her hand slipped inside of his trousers and cupped his genitals. He wriggled slightly, trying to get out from under her, and it seemed to be enough to snap her out of her haze.

"Oh, James." She said softly as if she was just noticing him for the first time. "I forgot it was you." She didn't touch him again for a very long time.

_XXX_

December 25th 1992.

Harry had turned twelve this last July, and he was currently home for the Christmas holidays. His second year at Hogwarts was going well. He had gotten into Gryffindor, just like his father, and Lily was once again noticing how similar they looked. It was just her and Harry this year. Sirius and Remus were unable to make it, due to the fact that it was a full moon and they were both otherwise engaged with Remus' werewolf transformation.

"Here you go James." She said handing him a gift.

Harry took it and frowned slightly as he shook it. He couldn't quite decide what was in it. He ripped off the ribbon and pulled the lid off. He pulled out the golden ball and sighed. His mother had given him a snitch. She had been so disappointed when he had declined the invitation to join the Quidditch team in his first year. He loved flying, sure, didn't everybody, but playing that game just wasn't for him. Ron loved it, and Ron couldn't wait to join the team, but Harry was fine with his feet firmly on the ground.

"Uh," he said awkwardly. How do you tell your mum that you hate your present? "It's great, thanks Lily."

"Oh James," she sighed, "you still won't consider joining?" Harry rolled his eyes. "Your father was a brilliant seeker. I've seen you playing with Sirius; you could be just as good." He frowned at the unspoken comment. _He could never be better than his father though_.

"Maybe next year, Lily. I can't join in the middle of the year anyway." He passed his gift over to her and waited for her to open it. She frowned at the present. Every year she wrote out a list of the things James had gotten her that were destroyed when Godric's Hollow caught fire after Voldemort's defeat. She gave that list to Harry, and he was supposed to replace an item, one at a time. By this point there was only two things left: sexy lingerie and a vase she didn't particularly like. Harry had gotten her a vase.

"Well, uh, thank you James." Her birthday was in two months, so Harry knew he'd probably have to buy her something underwear-ish then, but it would just be too weird. Maybe he could get Hermione to buy it for him?

He had become friends with her when they had met in the library their third week of class in First year. She was shy and a bit of a bookworm, but Harry was fond of her. Mostly because she had never tried to hug him or touch him, like Mrs. Weasley and his mother did. They usually greeted each other by shaking hands. He and Ron gave each other a slap on the back. Harry much preferred those greetings.

Lily had gone out a while later. Harry hoped that she had gone to buy her own underwear. Some shops were open Christmas day; after all it wasn't a Wizard tradition really. She returned after Harry had gone to bed. She had bought underwear, but she had also stopped off at a bar for a few drinks. The whole time she spent there, she had to put up with people congratulating her on having such a fine son, and saying how sorry they were that her husband was dead.

_He wasn't dead_, Lily thought as she watched Harry sleep. She was wearing a pearl thong, the lace around her hips was crimson red and the bra was a matching colour. It barely covered more than her nipples though and Lily thought and felt that she looked very sexy. James wouldn't be able to resist her. _James lives on in Harry_, she thought.

With a smile she closed and locked the door after her. Climbing carefully into Harry's bed, she pulled the duvet onto the floor and smiled. Harry was wearing a pair of boxers but nothing else. He was spread eagle on his back and Lily ran her fingers through his unruly hair as she moved to straddle his thighs.

"Wake up, James." She whispered as she bent down to kiss his cheek. "Wake my love." She pressed a kiss to his ear, before flicking her tongue out to trace the shell. Harry gave a moan and shifted slightly. Lily merely laughed. "Wakey, wakey, James." She said again, her fingers moving to explore his chest. It had been so long since she had touched him; she had almost forgotten how like James he was.

He arched his back as she dipped her tongue into his belly button and she sighed slightly, remembering how James used to do the exact same thing. Her fingers tweaked the elastic of Harry's boxers and she slowly slipped them down his hips. In his sleep, Harry lifted his hips; most likely having a wet dream about a pretty someone. He was half-hard, and Lily smiled. James always used to get so excited when she seduced him.

"James," she moaned lightly, her breath coming out in soft pants directly over Harry's cock. He moaned again, and arched upwards. She giggled, and brushed her hair out of her face. She smiled as she took him into her mouth. Lily relaxed her throat and thought about how long it had been since she had tasted James and she enjoyed the sounds he made as she swallowed around him. She took all of him in her mouth; since he hadn't finished growing, Harry wasn't as big as James had been, and Lily reminded herself of that. He wasn't her James, not yet, not for another few years.

Harry came with a cry, his eyes flying open, and his fingers knotting in his mother's hair. Lily missed the name he called out, but she was content to pretend it was her own.

She sat up and Harry looked horrified. "Mum?"

"I told you, it's Lily, James," she said softly. Her fingers were on her own body now. They teased at her own nipples, cupped her breasts before sliding downwards to stroke the bead of pearls that had slipped inside of her – it teased her slit and her anus and it made her want to grind herself against someone's hand. They rubbed against her clitoris and she moaned as her fingers caused more friction. "Come here James."

Shakily, Harry moved forward. He didn't know what his mum was doing, but he trusted her because she was his mother. "You love me don't you?" Harry nodded. "Say it, James."

"I love you, Lily." He breathed. Against his better judgement, he watched as she touched herself. Sometime told him this was wrong. He was sure Ron never watched his mum like this; but then again, Lily was hotter. A load of his friends at school admitted that they'd 'do' her if given the chance. Harry was sure, though, that a son shouldn't 'do' his mother.

"Come here and show me you love me, James." She breathed, still rubbing at her clit. Harry's eyes were wide. When he didn't move, she came to him. She pushed him back on the bed and straddled him. He was naked now, and she reached behind her back to unhook her bra. It fell forward and Lily pulled it off. She grabbed Harry's left hand and pressed it to one of her breasts. "Touch me, James."

She didn't even seem to notice that Harry's hand didn't move. She was happily pressing her chest into his hand, then pulling back again, effectively groping herself. Her hands worked Harry's penis, bringing him to erection again, and she pulled aside the string of pearls and mounted her own son. "JAMES!" She screamed as she felt him enter her fully.

She was wet and hot and Harry arched his back, pushing himself into her further. "Gods!" He moaned, and out of reflex he squeezed the breast he had cupped in his hand.

"Yes, James!" She moaned, bouncing in his lap. She pulled him up by the shoulder, so he was sitting up and she was pressed against his chest. Their lips met, and while Harry didn't actively participate, she thrust her tongue into his mouth and nipped at his lips. She came with a cry, what felt like hours later to Harry. He arched again, and her hand stroked his balls as Lily reached behind her, and he came. He cried out her name this time, and he clung to her shoulders. With a smile, she pulled his mouth to her breast and he sucked on her nipple as he came down from his orgasm. "That was amazing James." She whispered as she got off of him.

Standing beside his bed, Lily put her bra back on and lent down to kiss Harry's forehead. "I'll see you in the morning," she told him as she unlocked the door and left.

The next morning, Lily acted like nothing happened. Her, Harry, Remus and Sirius enjoyed their breakfast. The moment the other two men left for their own homes, Lily began to undress herself. She cocked her finger at Harry in a 'come hither' motion and Harry hesitantly approached her.

"What are you doing?"

"If you loved me James, you'd want to do this too." She said sadly, her eyes watering. "It's what people do when they love each other."

"Really?" He asked naively, and Lily just smiled and shrugged out of her robe. She was naked underneath.

Lily pulled Harry forward. She pushed up his robe and unzipped his trousers; pleased to see he hadn't been wearing boxer shorts. "Take me like this," she ordered lying back on the dining table, her legs spread. "Please, James. If you loved me." She said softly, and Harry – because he loved his mother – did as she asked him too.

_XXX_

May 17th 1994.

There was only three weeks left of his forth year at Hogwarts, and Harry would be turning fifteen in July. He was half excited and half not. He wanted to get out of school. It had been hectic, what with hosting the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and actually having to compete. In a week, the final task would take place, and two weeks later Harry was going home. He wanted to go home, but he didn't really want to see his mother. It was all too confusing. Should he enjoy it or not? He had caught Ron with Lavender Brown the other day, so did that mean they loved each other? But Ron kept telling him that he didn't love Lavender, but yet they had still had sex?

He had decided he needed to talk to Hermione, and subtly enquiring about certain issues. "Hermione, are you a virgin?" He asked quietly. If she was that meant she didn't do those things with her father that Lily did with him.

"What?" She shrieked, blushing. "Of course. We aren't even old enough to have sex." She looked almost offended at the thought that she could break the rules, even to gain pleasure for herself.

"Really?" He had no idea there was an age limit to loving someone. She rolled her eyes at him. "So you don't love your parents then?"

"What has that to do with sex, Harry?" She folded her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. She always called him 'Harry'. It was another reason they were such good friends.

"Oh," he said, starting to realize it wasn't the best topic to bring up in public, "just something I saw on TV." Hermione hummed softly and seemed to be waiting for Harry to keep speaking. But he didn't. So she kept quiet as well.

His mother had continued to take him to bed, on several different occasions, but only when they were alone. When Sirius had flooed in unexpectedly while she was riding Harry in the shower, Lily had almost had heart failure. She later reassured Harry, that there was nothing wrong with what they did. It was only that she didn't want to share him, and if Sirius realized Harry loved Lily, he'd want Harry to love him too. Harry's eyes had gotten so wide they might have fallen out. He hadn't even realized that men could do that!

"But of course, James." Lily had said. "Sirius and Remus love each other every night." Harry couldn't look them in the eye without blushing for a week.

_XXX_

September 1st 1996.

"Have a good summer, mate?" Ron asked, slapping Harry on the back good-naturedly. Harry merely nodded. It had been so long since Lily had started doing things with him that Harry had just come to terms with the fact that it must be normal. Hermione's parents were the odd ones, not Lily. Lily was only trying to do right by him, Harry determinedly told himself.

Though he couldn't believe his mother was going to be the Charms professor for his sixth year. As if shit hadn't already hit the fan, what with Draco's father getting arrested and Draco hating him, and almost dying in the Department of Mysteries, and Sirius actually dying! Now he had to deal with the embarrassment of having a parent at school with him.

He was sixteen, and he had two years of school left. He didn't think he'd ever live down the shame of his mum kissing him in public.

Ten minutes later, Harry had grown tired of Ron's chatter and left the compartment. The first person he ran into was Draco. All those years ago, when he had lost his virginity, it was Draco's name he had called out in his sleep. Until he learnt about Remus and Sirius he hadn't actually given Draco a proper thought. Sure he fantasised about kissing the blond boy, but he now knew what he felt could go somewhere. If only he could convince Draco to love him too.

"Hey!" He called out. Draco merely sneered at him and turned away. He walked back to the compartment he had left but Harry grabbed his arm.

"Let go Potter."

"Call me Harry," he asked softly.

Draco sneered again. But he did turn to face the other boy. "Isn't your name James?" He drawled, only slightly interested.

"Yeah, but it used to be Harry, until my dad died and my mum changed it. I like Harry more." He smiled and nervously ran his hands through his hair. Draco just watched him silently. "Sorry. About your dad. I am, I mean, I actually am sorry. I didn't mean for anyone to get in trouble or k-killed. I only wanted to help my godfather." Draco just nodded. He couldn't believe the Boy-Who-Lived had apologized for helping arrest a Death Eater.

Surprisingly they continued to have a civil conversation until Ron came looking for Harry. "Oi, James, where'd you go?" He then noticed Draco and scowled. "What's the ferret doing here?"

Harry shot a shy smile to Draco and rolled his eyes. "Nothing Ron, he was just leaving." Draco narrowed his eyes, but opened the door to his compartment and slipped inside anyway. "Come on. Let's go back before the snack lady passes us by." That seemed to be enough to motivate Ron.

_XXX_

February 14th 1996.

"Oh," Lily said softly as she took in the square pink envelope in Harry's hands. "Is that for me James?" Harry had never gotten her a valentine's card before.

"Uh, no, actually." He said awkwardly. "It's for a friend." It was for Draco but he didn't want his mother to know he had been secretly meeting with the blond boy. They hadn't done more than kiss and hold hands, but Harry wanted to love Draco before they **loved** each other. Draco had admitted to having experience, but he didn't say whom with, so Harry had assumed his mother had been the one to love the blond. It was the way Lily had taught Harry to think, and he couldn't help himself.

"I see," her voice had become cold. "Are you cheating on me James?" She folded her arms across her chest, and scarily reminded him of Hermione when she was scolding him for not doing his homework.

"Could you call me Harry, please? I like it more." He asked. He gasped as Lily's hand flew out and slapped him across the cheek.

"How dare you?" She spat at him, her face twisted by rage. "I love you, and care for you for years and this is how you treat me? You cheat on me; you address yourself by our dead son's name! What is wrong with you James?" Her hands were on her narrow hips, and she tapped her foot angrily. Harry couldn't speak. He couldn't do anything but stare at her. She honestly thought he was her dead husband.

It had been nagging at him for years, but now, now he knew for certain there was something wrong here. His fingers tightened on Draco's card, and he ran past her, pushing her out of the way. He left their rooms (she had insisted he leave Gryffindor Tower and live with her), and hurriedly sought out Hermione. She was in the library but Harry easily convinced her to follow him to the Room of Requirements.

"If this is you trying to tell me you love Malfoy, then I already know."

"What?" He said stupidly, but then shook his head. "Do you remember two years ago, when I asked if you were a virgin?" Hermione blushed but nodded. "You father didn't ever try and have sex with you did he?" Harry ducked as Hermione reached out to slap him. "I'm being serious, don't hit me. Did he?"

"Of course not!" She said outraged.

"So it isn't normal then?"

"Harry?" She said quietly, noticing the tears gathering in Harry's eyes. "What happened?"

"It started when I was eight. You know Lily changed my name to James, right? Well she touched me, down there, once. But she didn't do anything again until I was twelve. I was home for Christmas and I woke up and she was giving me a blowjob. I kind of thought I was dreaming, and it was Draco." He admitted with a blush. Hermione's eyes were wide and she looked horrified. She made a 'continue' motion and Harry took a deep breath. "We had sex, a lot that holiday. She kept telling me that if I loved her I would do that with her. I do love her, she's my mum, I do love her!" He insisted.

"I know you do," she breathed, "and your mother took advantage of that love. How dare she!"

"Earlier I asked her to call me Harry, and she slapped me. She actually thinks I'm my father!" He let out a choked sob and for the first time in their friendship, Hermione pulled Harry into a hug. It wasn't at all uncomfortable, like Harry thought it would be. She made him feel safe; the way a mother was meant to.

"It sounds a lot like a Jakosta complex. She is attracted to you; she loves you, mostly because you remind her of her dead husband. In the legend, Oedipus killed his father, whom he had never met, and married the widow, his own mother. Jakosta loved Oedipus because he was like her dead husband, and it seems Lily Potter feels the same way about you. It would explain why she changed your name to James." Hermione took a deep breath. "You have to tell someone."

"What would happen?" He asked quietly.

"The Ministry would send you to live with someone else."

"I have no one else. Sirius is dead, and Remus is a werewolf." He rubbed his eyes. "I suppose I'm stuck with Lily until I turn eighteen. It won't be so bad, at least I know what she's doing is wrong, so I won't do it anymore."

"It's wrong of her to do this. Harry," she paused, "you are the victim."

"I'm going to find Draco, ok?" Hermione nodded, silently promising not to tell anyone until Harry was ready.

He found Draco sitting in the prefect's room alone. He was holding a letter like it held all of the secrets of the world in its pages. "Wow, that looks deep and meaningful," Harry said with a grin.

"My father's been released from prison." Draco said quietly. He took the card Harry held out to him silently but with a smile.

"That's great!" Harry cried, hugging Draco. "You must be so happy."

"I am." The blond kissed Harry lightly on the lips. He reached into the draw in the cabinet beside his bed and pulled out an envelope like the one he had just received. "I wasn't sure if I should owl it. I know how possessive your mum can be." He chuckled but then noticed how Harry's face paled.

"Whom did you lose your virginity to?" Harry was hoping the blond would name his mother. If it wasn't just Harry, then it wasn't so bad.

Draco blushed. "Pansy. It was a bad time. I'm definitely gay," he gave a chuckled. "All the better for you."

Draco was tempted to ask the question back at Harry, but the brunette was avoiding his gaze. He was staring at the valentine's card he just received and he was frowning. "I need to go." He said quietly, backing away from Draco.

"Hey, you just got here." Draco grabbed Harry's shoulders and he flinched back.

"If you had a secret and you wanted to tell people, but it would mean bad things for your family, would you tell it?" Harry said softly.

"I would protect my parents at any cost." Draco obviously thought Harry was asking about Lucius Malfoy being a Death Eater.

That wasn't what Harry was asking about, but he just smiled sadly. He pried Draco's fingers off of his shoulders and stepped back again. "I knew you'd say that."

He didn't talk to Draco for the rest of the school year. When there was only a week of school left, Draco had disarmed Albus Dumbledore while Harry had watched, hidden beneath an invisibility cloak, and then Severus Snape had killed him. Harry was the only one left who could hunt the Horcruxes. He realized he could use that excuse to avoid going home for the summer.

He also realized he was in love with Draco.

_XXX_

1998. At Malfoy Manor.

"Draco," Bellatrix ordered pointing her wand at him. "Check on the prisoners."

Narcissa automatically protested, but Draco cleared his throat and said shakily, "I don't mind, mother." _Any excuse to see his Harry again_.

It had only been half an hour since Harry and his friends had been taken to the dungeons but to Draco it felt like years since he had laid eyes on the young man he loved. He needed to know Harry was safe, but he couldn't give up his cover.

"Stand against the back wall and don't try anything," he ordered as he unlocked the door. He immediately sought Harry out in the darkness. "Potter, come here." Harry stepped forward, even as Ron tried to pull him back. Draco's wand zoomed in on Ron, and the red head stilled immediately. "Potter," Draco demanded again. Once Harry was outside, Draco locked the door and led Harry to the privacy of another cell. When they were safely hidden away inside Draco threw himself at his ex-boyfriend and hugged him for all his was worth.

"I love you." Draco breathed against Harry's neck.

"I know we haven't had sex," Harry started but was cut off by Draco's snort.

"Not from lack of trying on my part," he mumbled. "Before you dumped me."

Harry ignored him and carried on speaking. "But I love you. My mother told me," he seemed to stumble over the word 'mother'; all of his life he had referred to the woman as simply 'Lily'. "That to have sex with someone was to show them you loved them, and anyone who loved someone could do that. But I love you Draco, and I know it's about more than sex. I need to tell you this now, because I might not get another chance. Do you know what a Jakosta complex is?"

Draco thought for a moment, trying to recall his history lessons from before Hogwarts. His eyes narrowed, then widened, as he realized what Harry was insinuating. "No, no she wouldn't."

"She did, often, in fact. I used to think it was right, that it meant I loved my mother, but I was wrong. Hermione told me that. I, uh, I do love you, and it isn't just about sex. Hermione said I'm the victim but sometimes I'm not sure. God I'm so fucked up!"

"It's not that bad," Draco said, feebly trying to console the brunette.

"Yeah, I'm sure your mum calls you Lucius all the time." He snorted.

Draco flushed. "Aunt Bella used to, when she first got out of Azkaban."

"I feel much better now. My mother is like a crazy person." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Draco," he breathed and Draco couldn't resist any longer. He pulled Harry against him. Their lips met, and Harry happily participated in the kiss, his tongue sliding out to stroke against Draco's. As always Draco won dominance, and his tongue claimed the right to explore the warmth of Harry's mouth. The brunette moaned around Draco's tongue and sighed as the boy pulled back. "I love you. Please don't die and leave me."

"I'll try my best. Don't die either ok?" Draco stroked Harry's cheek lightly.

"Don't worry, that's what I'm famous for." One more kiss later, Draco pushed Harry back into the other dungeon cell. All of the prisoners escaped from Malfoy Manor less than an hour later. Only one, a house elf, was killed.

_XXX_

June 1998. The Forbidden Forest.

Lily had appeared from out of nowhere.

Harry had raised his chin, preparing himself to die, the resurrection stone clutched in his trembling hand, and suddenly his mother shoved him out of the way. "Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort cried and the light hit Lily instead of him. The smallest part of him was almost happy to see her pay for the abuse he suffered, even if he didn't know he was being abused at the time. Mostly, he was sad to see his mother die, he did still love her. He also was rather aggravated that he hadn't been killed like he was supposed to have been.

Voldemort eyed him critically, as if contemplating whether her sacrifice would work the way James' had all those years ago. In the end, he raised his wand and said the Killing Curse again. Harry imagined himself arching backwards gracefully, much like how Sirius fell through the Veil. He smiled, and the green light hit him, and he merely slumped to the floor.

Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy watched their son's boyfriend as he died, and both of them stifled gasps. They didn't think they could explain this to Draco. Neither particularly liked the boy, but they did pity him, especially after what Draco told them. Draco loved Harry, so Lucius and Narcissa had agreed to at least be civil if they all survived the war. Narcissa looked on the corpse of Lily Potter and tried not to sneer. It was unsurprising that a woman who claimed to love Harry as much as she did would sacrifice herself, but still, Narcissa couldn't get over the fact that Lily could touch her only child like **that**.

They hadn't noticed Voldemort collapse. But Narcissa ran forward, shocked from her thoughts by her Lord's voice and the Cruciatus cast at her husband. She checked Harry's pulse and actually smiled as she felt it. "Is he alive?"

"He's in Hogwarts, safe," Harry whispered back. Narcissa's hair fell over their faces, obscuring their mouths from Voldemort's view.

"He is dead." She said with conviction. She took her place at Lucius' side, and while Voldemort was busy gloating, she squeezed her husband's hand and smiled slightly. His grey eyes widened, and she nodded. He allowed a small smile to cover his face, relieved for his son mostly, before turning his attention back to Lord Voldemort.

_XXX_

Hours later.

The Malfoys had remained sitting at that table until the Great Hall was almost cleared of people. They still half expected to be arrested, and they had nowhere to go. Malfoy Manor was half destroyed by Voldemort's rage after Harry escaped, and the Ministry was likely seizing it so they could 'investigate'.

Draco kept looking around the hall, hoping to spot Harry. When he found Harry, his eyes narrowed. He was talking to Ginny Weasley and the girl was blatantly flirting with the oblivious boy. After Draco and Harry had gone their separate ways, Harry had attempted to date Ginny. She was a bit too much like his mother, so Harry had dumped her too.

"Excuse me," Draco said to his parents. They watched him approach the couple with small smiles. "Hello Harry, Weasley." He glared at her as he said her name. He turned back to Harry, and smiled. "You didn't die."

"Promised I wouldn't." Harry leant forward, giving Draco all the permission and encouragement he needed. He grabbed Harry's chin and pulled their mouths together. Harry moaned, his arms wrapping around Draco's waist and neck as the blond kissed him breathless. Ginny watched in horrified shock as he crush got snogged by their worst enemy.

"What the bloody hell?" Ron muttered when he noticed what everyone was staring at.

Hermione smacked him over the head. "Hush Ronald," she ordered. She watched her best friend and Draco Malfoy with a soft smile on her face. Harry deserved to be loved, really loved, and if Draco could love him then who was she, or Ron, or Ginny, to deny Harry that happiness.

When the boys finally separated, Ginny had fainted, and Lucius and Narcissa were standing beside them. "Welcome to the family, James, I suppose," Lucius said, extending his hand. Harry shook it with a smile.

"Harry, if you don't mind." Draco grinned at him. The blond was seriously trying not to laugh at the way Harry was warily eyeing the elder Malfoys. "Shut up, Lucius." He muttered.

The elder blond looked at Harry with confusion, not having said anything. "Nothing, father," Draco said with a blush staining his cheeks. He glared at Harry and narrowed his eyes.

"Ah but you love me," the brunette cooed.

"Yes, I do," Draco said softly, grey eyes staring into Harry's green ones. "Which is lucky for you, or I'd kill you." They kissed again, and this time Hermione started to clap.

_XXX_

Harry POV.

July 22nd 1999.

That took a lot longer to get out than I expected. Wow, almost three days writing out my life story. That's actually pathetically short, but then again, my therapist recommended I only concentrate on the parts that included my mother and sex.

Draco and I live together at Malfoy Manor, with his parents. They aren't so bad when you get to know them. The Ministry released the Manor back after I vouched for the family. The Weasleys have come to terms with my choices, especially after I explained what my mother had done. Remus, poor Remus, had been distraught when he had learnt. He actually blamed himself!

The war has been over for a year, Draco and I finally had sex, I'm almost nineteen and we're expecting out first child, but someone I haven't been able to get over what my mother did. I know she loved me, but the way she loved me is what puts me off. I'm not my father, no matter how many times Snape pointed that out before he died. I'm glad he died before he could find out what he woman he loved did to her son. A part of my feels sorry for Lily, and a part of me mourns the mother I never had, but wished I had, if that makes sense.

The past is the past, as Hermione says, and that's where it should remain.

But, still, these pages. My life is all written down on these pages. It's all there, out in the open, like a raw, bleeding wound. My therapist recommends tying the pages to a balloon and letting all those negative feelings and thoughts just float away, or burning the pages one by one and banishing my demons in the smoke and flames. I don't really like the idea of someone bursting my balloon and reading about my sordid past, so I suppose that leaves the fire.

I guess I'll start with the first page, and work my to the present. I'm sure that's the way you're supposed to do these things. Starting at the beginning?

_XXX_

Third Person.

July 22nd 1999.

Draco entered the study silently. He had been talking to his parents, and avoiding Harry for the past few days like Ms. René suggested. The therapist thought Harry might be able to get his feelings out better and faster if he was left to consider them alone. So Draco had avoided him, not overly. He still made sure Harry knew he was around, but he made sure to give his love space. That didn't stop Draco from having a house elf watch over the brunette. The house elf had come to get him the moment Harry started to put the pieces of parchment on the fire, one by one.

"Does it help?" He asked softly, moving to knee behind his lover.

A ring sparkled on Harry's finger as he put another piece of parchment on the fire. "A little. It's cleansing, I suppose. As the words are burnt away they lose the ability to hurt me. If I'm not in pain anymore, that means I can heal right?" Draco's arms wrapped around Harry's shoulders. One slipped down to press against his slightly rounded stomach.

"I'll help as well, any way I can."

"You do," Harry said softly. He took Draco's hand, pulling the arm away from his shoulder, and pressed a kiss to the palm. "You help, you heal, just by loving me."

Draco smiled against the back of Harry's neck. He watched his fiancé burn each sheet of parchment, placing them carefully in the centre of the fire one at a time, and as the words disappeared in the flames Draco could almost see the weight lifting from Harry's shoulders. When the last sheet was burning, they made love on the floor of Draco's study, surrounded by the ink and parchment Harry had used to write his life story out. The fire continued to burn, licking at the remains of Harry's past, but Draco took Harry away from all of that. They were out of the past, and out of the present.

Draco took Harry into the future. Just by loving him.

**XXX**

**The End**

Please review, but don't bother flaming me. I already know I'm twisted and disturbed. I'm keeping a whole row of seats beside me in hell for those who want them. Be quick, they're selling fast! XD

Seriously, let me know what you think. And I'm updating **Indelible** before I go to Venice, so it should arrive before Friday.

Longest thing I have written in ages. Eh, I am way too tired to write a slash scene, I was going to detail the romp in the study but the story is too long, and I think the story ends well the way it is.


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